I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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