New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
tell me about the fingering
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