She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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