i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
