i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
