I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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