You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my liver is dry heaving
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
