I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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