I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
