WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
