who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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