Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
