I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
