That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
