the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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