dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
