i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
