Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
