I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
