1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize