Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
