Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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