He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
