3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
