A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
