she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize