Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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