a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
