Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize