I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want is dick and wine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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