my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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