If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't deserve a penis
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
