MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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