And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize