my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I could fuck to npr.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
