Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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