He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
