Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
