"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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