so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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