So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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