Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
