what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
