LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
