just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
