I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
