dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
