you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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