Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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