it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
