You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
