this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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