I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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