I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
