mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
