hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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