he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
