Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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