My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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