Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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