Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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