Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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