There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
