so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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