My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
