I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
