there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
