you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
