i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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