Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
