im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
