why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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