when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
