it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
