I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
