Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
