Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
