in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
