he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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