he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
